04.05.2017

Photo: Allie Beckwith

Photo: Allie Beckwith

Last night I had, well to put it frankly, a breakdown. I'm stressing about a lot of things and although I'm have a pretty good idea of what is going to be happening, I'm still extremely stressed out. It's just how I am, and how things are going. I literally can't help it.  

So there's that. 

Last year was such a big year for me, I was travelling so much, doing work internationally, and getting ready to go shoot a lookbook in LA. Fast forward to this year and things haven't been quite as exciting and I haven't been travelling at all. But that's okay. Just because I'm not travelling doesn't mean I'm not accomplishing things. I'm having a hard time coping with that. Last year was huge for my photography and I feel like I just need to do more and more, travel even more, do more, essentially "beat" last year. And I think I've crashed. Last year was such a high and now I feel like I'm going through a low. And that feeling isn't a good one. 

^ Literal root of my stress. 

But today is a new day. My boyfriend is such a big support system. I have people in my circle that get it, and people that are there for me (you know who you are). It's all internal. Instagram likes aren't everything. I need to focus on the present - the here and now. I'm going to be okay. Yes, it's hard not to get stressed, even about the little things. I'm writing this post as a reminder to myself to keep going and for anyone in the same boat as me. I FEEL YOU. 

This year is just as important and exciting as last - even though it's very different. I'm graduating, I'm going to be creative full time, I'm moving out. I'm travelling. I've got some cool things coming up. 

This (not really sure what "this" is) is a process that I'm learning to live with. It's a long one, believe me. But I'm just going to keep telling myself everyday that everything is going to be okay. I know it will be. 

xx Kels